death

I don't know why, but lately I've been thinking about death.

One of the most touching reflections on life and death that I have seen is the movie Wit (based on a play of the same name by Margaret Edson). It is about Vivian Bearing, "a strong woman, a John Donne scholar, a college professor and a cancer patient who is dying. And you are invited to watch her do it" (source).

I watch this movie at least once every year, because despite how difficult it is to watch, "there is an undercurrent of hope in this movie—and it comes through the kindness of strangers and long lost friends" (source). 

The film focuses particularly on a poem from 17th century by the metaphysical poet John Donne (please read it slowly and try to understand what Donne is saying): 

Death Be Not Proud

Death be not proud, though some have called thee
Mighty and dreadful, for thou art not so, 

For those whom thou think’st thou dost overthrow, 

Die not, poor death, nor yet canst thou kill me. 

From rest and sleep, which but thy pictures be, 

Much pleasure, then from thee, much more must flow, 

And soonest our best men with thee do go, 

Rest of their bones, and soul’s delivery. 

Thou art slave to Fate, Chance, kings, and desperate men, 

And dost with poison, war, and sickness dwell, 

And poppy, or charms can make us sleep as well, 

And better than thy stroke; why swell’st thou then? 

One short sleep past, we wake eternally, 

And death shall be no more, death thou shalt die.

To explain further, I want to include a excerpt from the film. This video shows Vivian reflecting on a conversation she had with her mentor E.M. Ashford. Ashford explains the poem is about a simple human truth:

(direct link)

*Here is a transcription of the most important portion of their conversation, in case the video doesn't work:

E.M. Ashford: Do you think that the punctuation of the last line of this sonnet is merely an insignificant detail? The sonnet begins with a valiant struggle with Death calling on all the forces of intellect and drama to vanquish the enemy. But it is ultimately about overcoming the seemingly insuperable barriers separating life death and eternal life. In the edition you choose, this profoundly simple meaning is sacrificed to hysterical punctuation: 

"And Death, Capital D, shall be no more, semi-colon. Death, Capital D comma, thou shalt die, exclamation mark!" 

If you go in for this sort of thing I suggest you take up Shakespeare. Gardner’s edition of the Holy Sonnets returns to the Westmoreland manuscript of 1610, not for sentimental reasons I assure you, but because Helen Gardner is a scholar. It reads: 

“And death shall be no more” comma “death, thou shalt die.”  

Nothing but a breath, a comma separates life from life everlasting. 

Very simple, really. With the original punctuation restored Death is no longer something to act out on a stage with exclamation marks. It is a comma. A pause. In this way, the uncompromising way one learns something from the poem, wouldn’t you say? Life, death, soul, God, past, present. Not insuperable barriers. Not semi-colons. Just a comma.

While death is significant, it is not and end-all permanent stopping point. Like a comma, it changes the pace as we pause at it, but that is not all there is; we see the comma, and know there is more, and onward we go.

This is especially true within the context of the gospel of Christ. Through our understanding of the basic principles of the gospel we see that there is more and that we can move ever onward:

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” (John 3:16.)

Once we have calibrated our direction through belief and devotion to the Savior, a change of pace does not keep us from our destination. We only pause and step through to the next phase. The scriptures explain beautifully how this works:

17 Wherefore, do the things which I have told you I have seen that your Lord and your Redeemer should do; for, for this cause have they been shown unto me, that ye might know the gate by which ye should enter. For the gate by which ye should enter is repentance and baptism by water; and then cometh a remission of your sins by fire and by the Holy Ghost.
18 And then are ye in this strait and narrow path which leads to eternal life; yea, ye have entered in by the gate; ye have done according to the commandments of the Father and the Son; and ye have received the Holy Ghost, which witnesses of the Fatherand the Son, unto the fulfilling of the promise which he hath made, that if ye entered in by the way ye should receive.
19 And now, my beloved brethren, after ye have gotten into this strait and narrow path, I would ask if all is done? Behold, I say unto you, Nay; for ye have not come thus far save it were by the word of Christ with unshaken faith in him, relying wholly upon the merits of him who is mighty to save.
20 Wherefore, ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life. (2 Nephi 31:17-20)

Even though the verse uses the wording to "endure to the end" it isn't the end, it's only the end of one phrase, a train of thought that then continues.

And this meant to be something to us, which is described well in this story:

I have a good friend that has a daughter. This daughter, we will call her J, has been terrified of water since she was very young. As J grew older she continued to dislike getting wet. She had a particular phobia of putting her head under the water. My friend and her husband did all the usual things, talked to her about it, regularly took her to the pool, did swim lessons but the intense fear remained. As J approached the age of eight her parents became concerned about how J would feel about being baptized. J approached them and told her parents that she wanted to be baptized but she was still terrified of going all the way into the water. They prayed together as a family that J would be able to have the comfort and assurance she needed. As the day grew closer, J was still feeling anxious so they asked a wider circle of family and friends to pray and fast. At J’s baptism, J was afraid but harnessing a huge amount of faith and trust she went into the water and was baptized. A year later I had J in my primary class. We were discussing baptism and J shared that while she had been afraid she felt that God was proud of what she was choosing to do and that gave her strength. 

While I think while many of us probably do not have the same sort of fear and trepidation with water that J had, I think a whole lot of us may have a good amount of fear and uncertainty about death. Death is the great unknown. It’s scary. It will happen to all of us and to the people we love. 

As I’ve talked to many people about their baptisms, I’ve been impressed by how often many feel filled by the Love of God. There is an outpouring of the spirit. A great sense that God recognizes us in that time and is “well pleased” with our efforts and decision, following the same pattern Jesus Christ established when he began his earthly ministry with baptism. (Matthew 3: 16-17) 

Reverse engineering the symbolism, I like to believe that death will be a similar time for us. It will be a time that God welcomes us and receives us with Love and approval.
Historically,many in the Western world have believed that death is a dark night or even worse, a time of fire and brimstone and suffering for even the most helpless and innocent. In our time, I believe there are many that are uncertain or feel that there is an empty nothingness or haunted ghostly loneliness when we die. I believe that what we learn in our experiences of baptism refute these beliefs with an inspiring hope (source).

Understanding and experiencing baptism, at it's core a kind of death and rebirth, can reacquaint us with the "inspiring hope" that can overcome uncertainty and fear. In this regard, death is meant to be the end of our sins, our past life. Death is a kind of progression (as we learn by studying the plan of salvation).

This makes death something different from an end (or even a kind of sleep like Donne's poem says) instead pain, struggles, fear, weaknesses, mistakes and death itself are:

"Not insuperable barriers. Not semi-colons. Just a comma."

Something to keep in mind with everything going on these days

There are always hot-button issues and most of the time every angle has a form of plausibility and rational ground to stand on. I think we could all do a little better to remember that, as well as 1 Corinthians 13:1-8

1 Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.

2 And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing.

3 And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing.


We may be in a position to speak with authority. We may have prophetic insight into the issue. We may know everything about a topic there is to know. However, if we don't use all that with charity it is nothing.

4 Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,


We use it with charity by being willing to suffer, to feel upset and angry and misunderstood and yet wait patiently for the right timing. We do not allow what we have and know to give us a sense of superiority or rightness just because we were LUCKY or BLESSED enough to have/know it.

5 Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;


We use it with charity by not acting out in ways that degrade who we are or what we stand for, that alienate others and undermine our cause (a message loses credibility when its messenger lacks credibility). We do not seek after our own agenda and ignore the positions/ideas/feelings of others. We don't let other's ignorance, thoughtlessness, or belligerence push us from always taking the high road. We choose to always think the best of others -- to give them the benefit of the doubt.

6 Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;


We use it with charity by not rejoicing when difficult/bad/unpleasant things happen to others -- even when they are the consequences of their own actions (but instead, we mourn with them).

7 Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.

8 Charity never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whetherthere be knowledge, it shall vanish away.

Doing all of this will never fail in keeping us right with God. Knowing and speaking "the truth" are not enough to save us. ONLY CHARITY.

"Temple Worship and Temple Worthiness"

Read this article, Temple Worship and Temple Worthiness. It introduces a new way of experiencing the LDS temple endowment, where the ceremony can be:

"...a progressively unnerving reminder of how inadequate we are, how miserably we fail to live up to our sacred commitments, what a fallen world this is and what fallen and vulnerable and exposed creatures we are. And then we should experience the spiritual relief wash over us as God, on the basis of only tokens of our effort and of our having even accepted the impossible commitments in the first place, accepts us, embraces us, lets us into His presence, gives us a place of rest, considers us worthy. The failures of our lives, ritually reenacted in the temple by our acceptance of obligations we know we cannot and will not and do not live up to, inevitably propel us toward an encounter with God in which our unworthiness to stand in His presence is manifest and inescapable, a state of unimaginable vulnerability. And yet we are taken in, and once in His presence, despite our unworthiness, we desire to stay."

Feeling "blessed"?

I wanted to share this exchange (as well as the article within it -- be sure to read that!) and solicit feedback from anyone willing.

This is an email from my brother, sent to my whole family:

I had a discussion with a friend on our way to Twin Falls on Saturday and he was saying, essentially, that with paying tithing and other such commandments you are bribed with blessings in order to fulfill it. The idea is that God reinforces positive behavior with temporal wealth. “Oh well if you just are obedient and do what you're supposed to you'll be rich, successful, and happy.” This is further perpetuated with the “Book of Mormon” cycle thats taught in primary and sunday school.

Im curious what you guys think about this:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/scott-dannemiller/christians-should-stop-saying_b_4868963.html#

My dad's response:

That is a very difficult subject that is wrapped in all kinds of truths and lies. Unfortunately, statements commonly made, cliches spoken, phrases used do not always convey the reality of the truth. Trying to sort through them all can be an exercise in futility. What is a person meaning? What are they trying to say? Am I interpreting it correctly? Difficult. 

I am not sure we can know how God blesses us. As Christians, it seems to me that we must acknowledge several things;(1) we are nothing, (2) God blesses us in many ways, all of which we are unworthy of, (4) as we are "blessed" we are obligated to help one another, (5) God's blessings come to ALL, righteous and unrighteous, (6) anything that is good comes from God,(7) we must not expect God to bless us as we believe he should,(7) God offers no guarantees in this life, his are all in the next, (8) God does bless us in his own way and in his own due time.

My response:

I agree with what Dad says! But I also want to respond to your points more specifically. 

As far as what you and your friend talked about, it is something that has arisen out of the shift in how/why we teach obedience. Old School christianity was all about “hellfire and damnation” and you were obedient in order to avoid that. Now-a-days we’ve shifted from obedience to avoid damnation or punishment to obedience in order to receive blessings. Neither is BAD but neither are particularly good/helpful either — and each carries a lot of baggage in the form of setbacks and misunderstandings. I think it’s milk before meat kind of obedience. Like when you’re a kid and you obey your parents to avoid punishment or to get rewards, because you don’t understand the reasons for the rules yet or why you parents set them. 

Ultimately the best reason to obey is love. Our love for God changes the desires of our hearts and inspires us to actions in accordance with His will i.e. obedience. 

The attitude of everything that is considered “good” being a “blessing” (including material wealth as indicated in the article) I think just arises out of the Christian culture of obedience for rewards. It’s not the best way to teach obedience… but we have a tendency to do this with EVERY topic (i.e. guilt you into doing it or encourage you w/rewards: think about your last lesson on service or modesty for example). To truly "teach obedience" what we SHOULD be teaching is the Atonement. The more anyone understands who Christ is and what he did the more these other things tend to fall into place.

Anyone have anything to add?

The Personal Essay

Eugene England commented on the value of the personal essay in the foreword of a book of his own essays:

Ten years ago I became interested in the personal essay as a separate art form. I had already been writing personal essays for ten years and had published others’ essays in Dialogue without thinking much about the particular literary and religious strengths of the form. But in studying Mormon literature of the nineteenth century and then analyzing what many Mormon writers of my generation were doing that might be part of a recognizable literary tradition, I became convinced, as I wrote in a review of the first anthology of Mormon literature, that the Mormon heritage “shows to best advantage in various forms of personal witness to faith and experience, genres in which the truth of actual living, of quite direct confession, is at least as important as aesthetic or metaphorical truth, [such as] diaries, letters, sermons, lyric poetry,… autobiography,… and increasingly, the personal essay” (BYU Studies, Spring 1975). Since that time the Mormon personal essay has indeed increased in availability and conscious quality.

This collection is an attempt to show by example what the resources of the personal essay can be in a Mormon’s search for self and community. (Dialogues with Myself)

I definitely have found a very strong sense of self and community through reading articles and blog posts online as well as essays in books. (For example, England's book referenced above. [so good!]) It's part of why belonging to a faith community is valuable (and how "folk doctrines" can actually be a positive thing!)

There is a lot of power in the personal essay -- it's part of why I write about things here actually; I have been blessed to read the thoughts and testimonies of others and had the spirit witness to me of the truth and power in their expressions of their thoughts and experiences -- and I hope to pay it forward in the same way. It's good to be reminded that there is a community of fellow-saints out there in the world struggling and staying faithful as I am.

So, all that being said, there's a collection of essays called Why I Stay: The Challenges of Discipleship for Contemporary Mormons (editor: Robert A. Rees) that I stumbled across randomly while perusing some LDS articles online during stake conference (whoops!) a few weeks ago. The first essay was available to read in the free kindle sample and I loved it -- so I bought the whole book! I wish I had the self-discipline to write a little piece about every essay, because each one is unique and wonderful... but since I don't, I'll just say this: they all had many similarities, as we face many of the same challenges as Mormons in our current society, but they each also had their own unique tone and personality. Each resonated with me in it's own individual way.

I HIGHLY RECOMMEND THIS BOOK AND EVERY ESSAY IN IT.

We all have our different considerations for "why I stay"(or don't stay) and I think how we answer that question is always changing. This collection of essays does beautiful work as a resource in a Mormon's "search for self and community."

Anyhow, like I always tell my students -- to be persuasive, don't just TELL... you need to SHOW. So in order to show, I am going try and do at least one post about one essay soon (it not only resonated with me, but taught me a life-changing concept and included a beautiful hopeful prayer for the future.) Stay tuned!

having a cause

“A quiet secluded life in the country, with the possibility of being useful to people to whom it is easy to do good, and who are not accustomed to have it done to them; then work which one hopes may be of some use; then rest, nature, books, music, love for one's neighbor — such is my idea of happiness.”
― Leo Tolstoy Family Happiness

Today my roommate and I saw a very interesting documentary. This post isn't the place to get into what it was about, but while we were talking about the film at lunch we discovered there was one line in it that jumped out at us both. It more or less stated that whatever you think is the most important cause in the world right now is the one you should be working at (and if you aren't, why not?!) It struck us both because, while we both have strong feelings and opinions on many world and societal issues, there isn't really one grand cause in particular that we feel particularly well-suited to make much of a difference in (based on our individual abilities and influence). I don't mean this to sound defeatist. I also don't want to downplay the AMAZING work being done by incredible civic leaders and inspired activists, many of whom start out as unqualified as I am, or the need to be involved in larger community causes. I just want to explain how the limit to my influence, which limits what I am able to actually DO, actually inspires me -- but in a very different direction.

I know it goes against the assurance of the american dream that anyone can do anything they work hard for. I know it goes against the idealistic motto that with God all things are possible. It's not that I don't see the reasoning behind these ideas and agree with them to a degree -- it's just that I'm also a bit of a realist and when it all comes down to it, I understand the limits of my capacities, my context, and that God's will often involves me operating within these constraints. And I don't see this as a bad thing.

Bigger causes often seem more important than those that are on limited and more intimate scale. But but small in scale doesn't equal small in influence.

I started of this post with that quote by Tolstoy not just because it is also MY "idea of happiness"* but because it is also my idea of my cause -- of my purpose and source of satisfaction (which ultimately contributes to happiness). I don't have the ethos to affect change on a grand scale. I do have a little bit of credibility however with a few close friends and my immediate family. These are the ones I can influence for good in a just cause. Within my small circle is good I can do, unique to my abilities and the particular conditions of the situation. There is useful work that doesn't change the world at large but does affect the world of those around me. There is love to be nurtured with individuals for whom that love can be life-shaping.

I have come to the realization that limits are as God-given as capacities. Mine have placed me in a unique position to understand the beauty and meaning in serving the causes found within "a quiet secluded life" and of the special focus on intimate associations it affords.

I will always want to find ways to make a difference in the bigger causes that I care about and I hope I can find and do them. But, I also hope to never let that diminish meaning I find the modest work I do to make a difference to those few God has placed within my sphere.







*as a side note: that quote really does encapsulate perfectly my IDEAL of happiness. Beauty, culture, service, work, love -- all the BEST of this life. I feel I could devote a whole post just to expounding on how how the truth of Tolstoy's words resonates with me!

the parable of the talents

I was discussing Matthew 25:14-30 (about the parable of the talents) with my family and we all sorta realized how little we really understood this parable -- that we had always just accepted the conventional explanations and perhaps missed its secrets for so many years… 

Consider the following questions my brother raised:

In modern english, the word "talent" has come to refer exclusively to any kind of mental endowment, aptitude, or physical ability. From the perspective of those hearing the parable (and the author of the gospel), a talent was a measurement of money. Has the modern understanding of the parable been based exclusively on the contemporary definition of the word "talent"? Perhaps restricting the parable's definition to modern english's definition of the word "talent" is too restrictive? But not including that definition in the parable's interpretation could be too exclusive as well no? Is there something else here?  

The description of the "lord" in the parable is interesting and I'm not sure what to make of it if it's supposed to be a parallel to God. The man with a single talent described his lord thus: "I knew thee that thou art an hard man, reaping where thou hast not sown, and gathering where thou hast not strewed". This seems to indicate the master enriches himself at the cost of others. The master himself admits: "thou knewest that I reap where I sowed not, and gather where I have not strewed". So he is admitting he is known to be ruthless and rapacious in business and expects the servant to have acted similarly? That doesn't seem to be a very apt description of who God is … at least not to me. 

Lastly, the amounts distributed to the slaves, at least from what I've read, are actually very large. Supposedly, a talent was equivalent to about 6,000 denarii, a denarii being equal to a day's wage for a common laborer. Thus, one talent, would be about twenty years worth of wages (no small amount). Five talents, as given to another one of the servants, would be about 100 years worth of wages. Why then does the Lord say, "Well done, thou good and faithful aservant: thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things"? In my mind, another way of saying this would be "you've been faithful over a little, I'll put you in charge of a lot" even though one talent is not "a little".

In consideration of these questions my dad sent us all a link to one man's interpretation of the parable -- which aptly answers these questions. I strongly urge you to read and reread this analysis of the parable of the talents. It is so beautiful and so profound, just as Jesus intended I think.

http://www.raystedman.org/new-testament/matthew/living-dangerously ***

***p.s. To me this understanding of the parable is born out well with the verse (similar to the one in Matthew) in D&C 82:3

 For of him unto whom much is given much is required; and he who sins against the greater light shall receive the greater condemnation.

I always read this verse as referring to more than just talents/blessings we are given, so sinning "against the greater light" does not mean not failing to use talents/abilities, it is failing to live up to what you know to be God's will for your life -- refusing to see what has been illuminated for you, or seeing it and rejecting it. Some of us have a clearer understanding/more illumination, and so when we fail to live accordingly -- when we wrap ourselves up "with hobbies and little luxuries" and selfishness  as C.S. Lewis put it -- we fail just the way the author described in the analysis of the parable.