Wednesday, October 17, 2012

the choice/my choice

I started reading The God Who Weeps: How Mormonism Makes Sense of Life, (which addresses "five teachings and why they matter to Mormons and to the world") by Terryl and Fiona Givens. In just the first few pages I came across some familiar words (that I quoted in a previous post) and I can already tell there is going to be a lot in this book that I'll have to write through/think through.

Today I just wanted to mention one paragraph, and how it touched my heart.

Context: Givens is addressing the equally compelling arguments for doubt and faith, and how it is because of this "equilibrium and balance" between the two that our hearts are truly free to chose one or the other, and that choice is a reflection of who we are.  He proceeds to state that:

"The greatest act of self-revelation occurs when we choose what we will believe, in that space of freedom that exists between knowing that a think is, and knowing that a thing is not" (Kindle version Loc 139).
I've thought a lot about the choice of faith in my life. For many years it was one I never felt any kind of loss over, mostly I believe because I didn't see it as an option at "equilibrium and balance." To choose faith just seemed so obviously reasonable and heavy-laden in advantages.

A few years ago that changed. I entered a situation that challenged my view of the scale.  It was a path I felt prompted to follow, and have been blessed by in so many ways that I'm still discovering new lessons years later. This is one of those lessons. As I read the above quote, the Spirit touched my heart and brought to my mind the choice of faith I made in response to two very equal and conflicting recourses. I could see very clearly the advantages and sacrifices each would bring... and it was in the midst of seeing everything that could be gained and lost that I had to make the heart-wrenching choice of what I REALLY believe and who I REALLY am.

Looking back now I can see how intimately and comprehensively that choice has defined me. I know better what I am willing to give up and what I bring to my relationship with the Lord, and with others.

Since then I have made other similar choices, and I know there will be many more to come. In these future choices between "equilibrium and balance" I hope I will show that my "love of truth" is greater than my "fear of error" (Kindle version Loc 139).

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