Tuesday, April 26, 2011

my current "delay en route"

I think that everything I've ever read that Neal A. Maxwell wrote has changed my life. This article is no different.

It came right when I needed it too. A tender mercy in the form of gentle chastisement and correction. I know I've been spending a lot of time lately wondering 'when things are going to change for me' and dwelling of the feeling that  my 'real life' has been delayed. Of course, my situation is quite different from the "delay en route" that Elder Maxwell talks about in his discourse, but the principle is a lot the same. I've been unhappily resisting my own "delay," a delay of blessings/changes that I want, struggling to submit to what I too often see as just plain old waiting, because no "immediate divine explanation" has come, explaining clearly the purpose of where I am headed...

Instead, I ought to "press forward whatever the length of the near horizon" and accept that this "delay" has a purpose. I mean, in hind sight I can already see so many positive things emerging from the past couple years of what, I thought then, was just limbo. I am trying to accept that whatever happens in the next couple years will be equally positive and fulfilling. But...

...It's hard to know I have good things ahead, that the blessings I've been promised are awaiting me 'somewhere in the future' and that I have to keep on walking a road that is so long I can't really see them from here (though I trust that they are there). It distracts me from living NOW to be so caught up in waiting for the future... Ah, but I don't want to fall too much into abstraction here. What I am getting at, is that Elder Maxwell explained that a "delay en route" is a great opportunity that can enlarge our capacity for joy and that "meek suffering often does the excavating necessary for that enlarging." I have seen that this has been true! It's TRUE!

Ahh, but it's also hard to accept that more suffering might be necessary...

It's hard not to ask why. And it was certainly a prick to my conscience to read that "certain mortal 'whys' are not really questions at all but are expressions of resentment" Ahh, yes I can see that in myself... resentment of that "delay en route" and it's a reminder that my whys must be turned to "'what' questions, such as 'what is required of me now?' or, to paraphrase Moroni'swords, "If I am sufficiently humble, which personal weakness could now become a strength?" (Ether 12:27)." So again, I need to remind myself that there is purpose to this delay and I would do well to start searching for what I am supposed to learn and how I can grow from WHATEVER is on my path!

Thankfully, even though I tend to fail my pass/fail experiences with "delays,"  I "can plead with the Father, just as Jesus did, that [I] 'might not...shrink'" -- Thankfully, I can still continue on in the process of my "developmental repentance," and find "resilience" to try again to pass in "the lifting tide flowing from forgiveness" -- Thankfully there is "certainty" in my "Father's rescuing love and mercy," and He will enable me to to overcome my discouragement and  continue in my own "soul-stretching journey" ...however long the "delay en route" may last.

It's a good reminder that the journey, along with all it's delays, is purposeful and meaningful.

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