My thoughts today were prompted by Jeffery R. Holland's address The Best is Yet to Be. He speaks about life's transitions and about letting go of the past and looking faithfully to the future. He gives the example of the Apostle Paul who "after having reviewed the privileged and rewarding life of his early years—his birthright, education, and standing in the Jewish community" said "to the Philippians that all of that was “dung” compared to his conversion to Christianity" and that he has “stopped rhapsodizing about ‘the good old days’ and now eagerly look toward the future" that he "may apprehend that for which Christ apprehended me’” (Philippians 3:7–12). Of this looking anxiously to the future work the Lord has in store for him, Paul states:
“This one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before,
“I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 3:13–14).
It is a particular fault of mine "to yearn to go back to a world that cannot be lived in now, to be perennially dissatisfied with present circumstances" and "miss the here and now" like Elder Holland describes, and it is one I deeply regret. While thinking about it today, I can see many instances where I was too slow in discovering the joys of the situation I was in because I was too busy wishing things were the way they were or that they'd change and be "better" somehow. Many times the 'good 'old days' I long for are ones I didn't even realize and appreciate while I was living them. I have struggled often to learn the art contentment. It is something I am working to change in myself. Today, the words of Paul in the previous verses opened my mind to a new understanding about what it means to have hope for the future through Christ. To know of the glorious things the Lord has prepared for me, to have faith in that -- and that God himself "apprehended" me (like Paul) and put me here now for a purpose that I need to figure out and work towards -- well, it gives new purpose to a situation I might otherwise see as difficult and incomprehensible.
Any challenge in life can be tackled differently when you have a "mark for the prize" to "press toward" like Paul did -- and while my mark and prize may not be the same as Paul's they are nonetheless determined by God specifically for me and I can trust that.
The best part is that the Lord knows and understands my difficulty in doing this. That despite what I have learned today I will still struggle in the transitions of my life and I will continue making many of the same mistakes I always have -- but that the Lord has make provision for this, and this is part of how I am to learn and improve. The past is only to help us repent. Elder Holland goes on to say in his address that we are to remember "just enough" to try to avoid repeating our mistakes "but then put the rest of it all on the dung heap Paul spoke of to the Philippians. Dismiss the destructive, and keep dismissing it until the beauty of the Atonement of Christ has revealed to you your bright future and the bright future of your family, your friends, and your neighbors. God doesn’t care nearly as much about where you have been as He does about where you are and, with His help, where you are willing to go."
Friday, August 6, 2010
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Joseph
I've been reading the biography "Rough Stone Rolling" by Richard Lyman Bushman and I'm again impressed by the enormity of what Joseph Smith Jr. did and the complicated (and yet uncomplicated...) person that he was.
From the introduction:
Joseph Smith is one of those large Americans who like Abraham Lincoln came from nowhere. Reared in a poor Yankee farm family, he had less that two years of formal schooling and began life without social standing or institutional backing. His family rarely attended church. Yet in the fourteen years he headed the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, Smith created a religious culture that survived his death, flourished in the most desolate regions of the United States, and continues to grow worldwide after more than a century and a half. In 1830 at the age of twenty-four, he published a second Bible -- an entirely new revealed work to stand beside the traditional scriptures. He built cities and temples and gathered thousands of followers before he was killed at age thirty-eight.
What had I done by 24? Moved away from home...Finished college... What will I do by 38?
Smith is interesting for what he was as well as for what he did. He was the closest America has come to producing a biblical-style prophet -- one who spoke for God with the authority of Moses or Isaiah. He was not an eloquent preacher; he is not known to have preached a single sermon before organizing the church in 1830. But he spoke in God's voice in revelations he compiled and published. A revelations typically began with words like "Hearken O ye people which profess my name, saith the Lord your God." Many thought him presumptuous if not blasphemous, and he made no effort to prove them wrong. He did not defend his revelations or give reasons for belief. He dictated the words and let people decide. Everything he taught and most of what he did originated in these revelations.
He did not try to prove or defend himself -- he simply stated truth and "let people decide."
The question of this book is how such a man came to be in the age of railroads and the penny press? What was the logic of his visionary life?
I think the answer to that lies in something Joseph himself said when it was remarked that he had "too much power to be safely trusted to one man." Joseph responded, "in a rich, comical aside, as if in hearty recognition of the ridiculous sound they might have in the ears of a Gentile" that perhaps in another person's hands "so much power would no doubt be dangerous. I am the only man in the world whom it would safe to trust with it. Remember, I am a prophet!" (Bushman 7)
Whether or not you believe Joseph Smith was a prophet of God, you have to admit he had an amazing historical impact. I think this is best qualified by the words of Josiah Quincy Jr., a successful railroad executive and mayor of Boston (and not a Mormon), who was puzzled by his visit to Joseph Smith in Nauvoo and wrote: "It is by no means improbable that some future text-book, for the use of generations yet unborn, will contain a question something like this: What historical American of the nineteenth century has exerted the most powerful influence upon the destinies of his countrymen? And it is by no means impossible that the answer to the interrogator may be thus written: Joseph Smith the Mormon prophet."
I do believe Joseph was a prophet. The weaknesses of his character, as well as the strengths, confirm this to me. Even an extraordinary man, with flaws, inadequacies, and power of his very human will alone, could not have done it. Only one endowed with power from heaven could accomplish what he did -- to organize and re-establish the kingdom of God to "roll forth unto the ends of the earth, as the stone which is cut out of the mountain without hands shall roll forth, until it has filled the whole earth"(D&C 65:2) and "never be taken again" (D&C 13:1).
Praise to the man who communed with Jehovah
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
emotion-processing through dreams
I've been having a repeating theme in my dreams lately -- of someone I was once very close to avoiding me or not wanting to associate with me; basically just being rudely dismissive of me. The emotion I feel during these dreams is an unpleasant feeling to be sure -- and leaves a bit of a bad taste when I wake up. But, still it's just a dream and I can usually brush it off and go about my day just fine. Like most bad dreams.
Today however, it crossed my mind to wondering why I've been having so many of these types dreams about this single person -- who is not in my life much these days -- and shouldn't be turning up so often.
I don't think it's a coincidence that this afternoon I listened to the Radiolab podcast that I did -- though I just popped on the next one in line. I got some very interesting insight. According to the podcast, current research about sleep shows that the brain not only reviews/replays experiences during sleep but sorta re-mixes experiences -- blending events together into new events -- making connections (a kind of learning & creating). The brain choose what to use by keeping track of the emotions you feel -- it puts "a sticky" on everything that is difficult during the day to "work on it later." In sleep it uses those things to create these sorta "free associations" -- creations i.e. dreams prompted by things that happened that caused strong emotions. The hypothesis is that strong emotions need the vivid dream in order to be processed.
I've been learning to consciously pass through my emotions better these last few month -- When they come upon my I step through them and move on, rather than dwelling in them. However, there are still flashes of strong resentment and feelings of having been abandoned by this person who used to be at the core of my life and I think that unconsciously all the moments of strong emotions associated with not hearing from him or not getting a response to letters, along with other daily reminders that I don't know anything about his life and that we are no longer connected-friends anymore -- while they aren't overpowering me while I'm awake -- are manifesting themselves in the processing of my dreams.
An example: I send an email, a couple days pass with no response, I think "oh well he's busy" and move on...but the emotion that he just doesn't care for or respect me enough to respond, even though I don't let it get beyond just a flash of emotion, still gets flagged and then manifests itself in a dream about him brushing me off...make sense?
What I'm driving at here, is how interesting an idea it is that the body aids itself in taking it's emotions (physical responses) and processes them in a physical way (a dream). To me, it seems like my body is helping me to remove the emotional reactions I have to this person.
After some online searching I found that there is new research, presented at a meeting of the Associated Professional Sleep Societies in Seattle, which confirms my idea that I am using sleep to process a complex emotion. "Sleep essentially is resetting the magnetic north of your emotional compass," says Matthew Walker, director of the Sleep and Neuroimaging Lab at the University of California, Berkeley in a Time article. He explains that "one function of REM sleep — dreaming, in particular — is to allow the brain to sift through that day's events, process any negative emotion attached to them, then strip it away from the memories." Like applying a "nocturnal soothing balm" which “tries to ameliorate the sharp emotional chips and dents that life gives you along the way.” Not that it is to make you forget, it's just a way to make a memory no longer an emotional episode because “If you don’t let go of the emotion, what results is a constant state of anxiety.”
It really is an interesting and complicated process when it's slowly drawn out over a long period of time -- as in this particular instance in my life. To be honest, it seems to be making it a more complete and thorough dissolution of all emotions tied to this person.
Any input/ideas/similar experiences?
Today however, it crossed my mind to wondering why I've been having so many of these types dreams about this single person -- who is not in my life much these days -- and shouldn't be turning up so often.
I don't think it's a coincidence that this afternoon I listened to the Radiolab podcast that I did -- though I just popped on the next one in line. I got some very interesting insight. According to the podcast, current research about sleep shows that the brain not only reviews/replays experiences during sleep but sorta re-mixes experiences -- blending events together into new events -- making connections (a kind of learning & creating). The brain choose what to use by keeping track of the emotions you feel -- it puts "a sticky" on everything that is difficult during the day to "work on it later." In sleep it uses those things to create these sorta "free associations" -- creations i.e. dreams prompted by things that happened that caused strong emotions. The hypothesis is that strong emotions need the vivid dream in order to be processed.
I've been learning to consciously pass through my emotions better these last few month -- When they come upon my I step through them and move on, rather than dwelling in them. However, there are still flashes of strong resentment and feelings of having been abandoned by this person who used to be at the core of my life and I think that unconsciously all the moments of strong emotions associated with not hearing from him or not getting a response to letters, along with other daily reminders that I don't know anything about his life and that we are no longer connected-friends anymore -- while they aren't overpowering me while I'm awake -- are manifesting themselves in the processing of my dreams.
An example: I send an email, a couple days pass with no response, I think "oh well he's busy" and move on...but the emotion that he just doesn't care for or respect me enough to respond, even though I don't let it get beyond just a flash of emotion, still gets flagged and then manifests itself in a dream about him brushing me off...make sense?
What I'm driving at here, is how interesting an idea it is that the body aids itself in taking it's emotions (physical responses) and processes them in a physical way (a dream). To me, it seems like my body is helping me to remove the emotional reactions I have to this person.
After some online searching I found that there is new research, presented at a meeting of the Associated Professional Sleep Societies in Seattle, which confirms my idea that I am using sleep to process a complex emotion. "Sleep essentially is resetting the magnetic north of your emotional compass," says Matthew Walker, director of the Sleep and Neuroimaging Lab at the University of California, Berkeley in a Time article. He explains that "one function of REM sleep — dreaming, in particular — is to allow the brain to sift through that day's events, process any negative emotion attached to them, then strip it away from the memories." Like applying a "nocturnal soothing balm" which “tries to ameliorate the sharp emotional chips and dents that life gives you along the way.” Not that it is to make you forget, it's just a way to make a memory no longer an emotional episode because “If you don’t let go of the emotion, what results is a constant state of anxiety.”
It really is an interesting and complicated process when it's slowly drawn out over a long period of time -- as in this particular instance in my life. To be honest, it seems to be making it a more complete and thorough dissolution of all emotions tied to this person.
Any input/ideas/similar experiences?
(I found a hefty article related to the topic in a psychological science journal that I will read and report on asap!)
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Mosiah 5
1 And now, it came to pass that when king Benjamin had thus spoken to his people, he sent among them, desiring to know of his people if they believed the words which he had spoken unto them.
2 And they all cried with one voice, saying: Yea, we believe all the words which thou hast spoken unto us; and also, we know of their surety and truth, because of the Spirit of the Lord Omnipotent, which has wrought a mighty change in us, or in our hearts, that we have no more disposition to do evil, but to do good continually.
I love this. Not only do they believe king Benjamin's words, they believe ALL of them. Not only do they just believe his words, they know with surety that they are true. This complete shift, from the king wondering if they would believe at all, to their complete confidence came because of the Spirit. This is important because I think we too often operate on the idea that if we could study and understand enough we'd be more confident and secure in our conversion to Christ. Of course study is a part of the process -- but that's not how the actual "mighty change" operates. It's not that we change, it's that our hearts are changed. It is our changed heart that changes us because it changes our "disposition" i.e. "the predominant or prevailing tendency of one's spirits; natural mental and emotional outlook or mood" For example, in the next verse:
3 And we, ourselves, also, through the infinite goodness of God, and the manifestations of his Spirit, have great views of that which is to come; and were it expedient, we could prophesy of all things.
4 And it is the faith which we have had on the things which our king has spoken unto us that has brought us to this great knowledge, whereby we do rejoice with such exceedingly great joy.
Through the spirit our views of the future change -- we become more optimistic and have a positive outlook on things. We see good in people and things and when bad happens, we can see the bigger picture in the context of our faith and trust in the Lord's purpose. Trust in the gospel plan changes our hearts and allows us to know that we have great reason in this life, no matter what, to be joyful. This blessed understanding is what ultimately puts us in a position to choose to covenant with God. Just like king Benjamin's people:
5 And we are willing to enter into a covenant with our God to do his will, and to be obedient to his commandments in all things that he shall command us, all the remainder of our days, that we may not bring upon ourselves a never-ending torment, as has been spoken by the angel, that we may not drink out of the cup of the wrath of God.
6 And now, these are the words which king Benjamin desired of them; and therefore he said unto them: Ye have spoken the words that I desired; and the covenant which ye have made is a righteous covenant. 7 And now, because of the covenant which ye have made ye shall be called the children of Christ, his sons, and his daughters; for behold, this day he hath spiritually begotten you; for ye say that your hearts are changed through faith on his name; therefore, ye are born of him and have become his sons
and his daughters.
This is how we become Christians and this is how we are made free:
8 And under this head ye are made free, and there is no other head whereby ye can be made free. There is no other name given whereby salvation cometh; therefore, I would that ye should take upon you the name of Christ, all you that have entered into the covenant with God that ye should be obedient unto the end of your lives.
9 And it shall come to pass that whosoever doeth this shall be found at the right hand of God, for he shall know the name by which he is called; for he shall be called by the name of Christ.
What does it mean to be called by the name of Christ and made free? Well in one way, I think it means that we are free from our crummy dispositions. We're all fallen, and therefor our natural-man inclinations are often towards the base and negative. Humanity hasn't changed it's ways in thousands of years and anyone who has tried to change something about themselves will report that it isn't easy (broken new year's resolutions anyone?) True change of ourselves is difficult without a change of our nature -- and that change is impossible without Christ. It is the Spirit which will make "a mighty change in us, or in our hearts" and the Spirit comes when we show God that we are generally interested in trying to find the truth because He has promised that will respond ("And I say unto you, Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you" Luke 11:9). When we learn and live the gospel, the divinity of it is manifest in our lives through the Spirit and we are changed.
2 And they all cried with one voice, saying: Yea, we believe all the words which thou hast spoken unto us; and also, we know of their surety and truth, because of the Spirit of the Lord Omnipotent, which has wrought a mighty change in us, or in our hearts, that we have no more disposition to do evil, but to do good continually.
I love this. Not only do they believe king Benjamin's words, they believe ALL of them. Not only do they just believe his words, they know with surety that they are true. This complete shift, from the king wondering if they would believe at all, to their complete confidence came because of the Spirit. This is important because I think we too often operate on the idea that if we could study and understand enough we'd be more confident and secure in our conversion to Christ. Of course study is a part of the process -- but that's not how the actual "mighty change" operates. It's not that we change, it's that our hearts are changed. It is our changed heart that changes us because it changes our "disposition" i.e. "the predominant or prevailing tendency of one's spirits; natural mental and emotional outlook or mood" For example, in the next verse:
3 And we, ourselves, also, through the infinite goodness of God, and the manifestations of his Spirit, have great views of that which is to come; and were it expedient, we could prophesy of all things.
4 And it is the faith which we have had on the things which our king has spoken unto us that has brought us to this great knowledge, whereby we do rejoice with such exceedingly great joy.
Through the spirit our views of the future change -- we become more optimistic and have a positive outlook on things. We see good in people and things and when bad happens, we can see the bigger picture in the context of our faith and trust in the Lord's purpose. Trust in the gospel plan changes our hearts and allows us to know that we have great reason in this life, no matter what, to be joyful. This blessed understanding is what ultimately puts us in a position to choose to covenant with God. Just like king Benjamin's people:
5 And we are willing to enter into a covenant with our God to do his will, and to be obedient to his commandments in all things that he shall command us, all the remainder of our days, that we may not bring upon ourselves a never-ending torment, as has been spoken by the angel, that we may not drink out of the cup of the wrath of God.
6 And now, these are the words which king Benjamin desired of them; and therefore he said unto them: Ye have spoken the words that I desired; and the covenant which ye have made is a righteous covenant. 7 And now, because of the covenant which ye have made ye shall be called the children of Christ, his sons, and his daughters; for behold, this day he hath spiritually begotten you; for ye say that your hearts are changed through faith on his name; therefore, ye are born of him and have become his sons
and his daughters.
This is how we become Christians and this is how we are made free:
8 And under this head ye are made free, and there is no other head whereby ye can be made free. There is no other name given whereby salvation cometh; therefore, I would that ye should take upon you the name of Christ, all you that have entered into the covenant with God that ye should be obedient unto the end of your lives.
9 And it shall come to pass that whosoever doeth this shall be found at the right hand of God, for he shall know the name by which he is called; for he shall be called by the name of Christ.
What does it mean to be called by the name of Christ and made free? Well in one way, I think it means that we are free from our crummy dispositions. We're all fallen, and therefor our natural-man inclinations are often towards the base and negative. Humanity hasn't changed it's ways in thousands of years and anyone who has tried to change something about themselves will report that it isn't easy (broken new year's resolutions anyone?) True change of ourselves is difficult without a change of our nature -- and that change is impossible without Christ. It is the Spirit which will make "a mighty change in us, or in our hearts" and the Spirit comes when we show God that we are generally interested in trying to find the truth because He has promised that will respond ("And I say unto you, Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you" Luke 11:9). When we learn and live the gospel, the divinity of it is manifest in our lives through the Spirit and we are changed.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
family connections
I have been thinking about my own inborn yearnings.
We desire for so much in this life -- and so much joy and satisfaction can come through our efforts to meet and fulfill these longings. But there are definitely some yearnings that are more important than others.
Elder Marvin J. Ashton has said: "When we have a yearning and don’t know what it is for, perhaps it’s our soul longing for its heartland, longing to be no longer alienated from the Lord and the pursuit of something much higher, better, and more fulfilling than anything this earth has to offer." Elder Ashton went on to say that "Perhaps as much as anything in this day and age of mass media, instantaneous worldwide communications, and modern conveniences that seem to help us pack more into each day than would have been considered possible just a few decades ago, we need to focus and direct our attention to the things that really matter. And simply, what really matters is a personal testimony of Jesus Christ, an understanding of who we are and what we’re doing here, and an absolute determination to return home."
We yearn to return to our heavenly home, in the same way we often yearn for our earthly homes. Elder Ashton explained that: "It’s normal to long to be where you feel secure, where those you love have your best interests at heart. It’s understandable to want to return to the place where you learned how to walk and talk, where you felt loved even when friends turned away, and where you were accepted, regardless of the situation. There’s no place on earth that can take the place of a home where love has been given and received." That feeling of HOME is improved and perfected in our families until it's utmost perfection in the Lord. I think our yearning to return to the Lord, to our true home, is a big part of what drives our yearning for companionship, in marriage and family.
We yearn for family connections -- and we are influenced by the stories, testimonies, and strength of those who came before us (and we can do the same for those who will come after us). Family connections can become legacies of faith and love. They can fill, in part, the longing we have for an unbroken connection with God and the home we have in Him.
Elder Russell M. Nelson has stated that: "The noblest yearning of the human heart is for a marriage that can endure beyond death." Why? Because that is the starting point for the work of an eternal family. Relationships that necessitate sincere and sustained upkeep -- connections that are more than just experiences in mortality -- all a foundation for eternity.
Elder Nelson also explained that marriage is not just a union between husband and wife, but that it also "embraces a partnership with God" and that "children born of that marital union are 'an heritage of the Lord.' Marriage is but the beginning bud of family life; parenthood is its flower. And that bouquet becomes even more beautiful when graced with grandchildren. Families may become as eternal as the kingdom of God itself."
That is why carefully choosing a spouse is so important. That is why having children is so important. That is why the time we spend with our families, and the legacies we pass on to our children, are at the core of the plan of salvation. We yearn to "go home" and to have our own home -- and they are intertwined and sustain by efforts in each.
Exaltation is family, home, and God. That's why I am trying to learn to accept my own yearnings as positive desires and not be burdened by them. They are to help bring me home.
P.S.
I want to end with some words from A River Runs Through It by Norman Maclean. My Dad quoted them to us this morning from memory and while I'm not going to talk ABOUT them, they helped shape a lot of my thoughts today.
Now nearly all those I loved and did not understand when I was young are dead, but I still reach out to them.----------Of course, now I am too old to be much of a fisherman, and now of course I usually fish the big waters alone, although some friends think I shouldn't. Like many fly fishermen in western Montana where the summer days are almost Arctic in length, I often do not start fishing until the cool of the evening. Then in the Arctic half-light of the canyon, all existence fades to a being with my soul and memories and the sounds of the Big Blackfoot River and a four-count rhythm and the hope that a fish will rise.---------Eventually, all things merge into one, and a river runs through it. The river was cut by the world's great flood and runs over rocks from the basement of time. On some of the rocks are timeless raindrops. Under the rocks are the words, and some of the words are theirs.I am haunted by waters.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
individuality
individuality |ˌindəˌvijəˈwalitē|noun1 the quality or character of a particular person or thing that distinguishes them from others of the same kind.
I believe in individuality. I believe we all have different qualities that give variety and purpose to our lives and to the church and should not separate us from each other.
I think that in the church there is a tendency towards sameness. Somehow, because we hold to a high moral standard, with the same high goals and desire for perfection, we start to think we must all live the same way to get there; that to be Zion, to be "of one heart and one mind" (Moses 7:18), we must be a completely homogenous people.
President James E. Faust said: "All are equal before the Lord. Yet within our spiritual unity there is wide room for everyone’s individuality and expression. In that setting, all are heirs to the kingdom of God. President Hunter said it well, 'The key to a unified church is a unified soul, one that is at peace with itself and not given to inner conflicts and tensions.'"
It is individuality that unifies us.
Our individuality, the qualities of our soul, our character which we must so carefully cultivate and develop, it is all a precious gift from God -- And Elder Neal A Maxwell quoted President Brigham Young as having declared that "the preservation of human intelligence and individuality through the Atonement and resurrection 'is the greatest gift that ever was bestowed on mankind.'”
It is this great blessing of the little "I am" at my soul's center that is the strengths I have to hone and bless others with, the weaknesses to humble me and tie me to Christ, and the glorious opportunity to develop as a child of God -- "the Great I Am, Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end (D&C 38:1) .
I believe in individuality. I believe we all have different qualities that give variety and purpose to our lives and to the church and should not separate us from each other.
I think that in the church there is a tendency towards sameness. Somehow, because we hold to a high moral standard, with the same high goals and desire for perfection, we start to think we must all live the same way to get there; that to be Zion, to be "of one heart and one mind" (Moses 7:18), we must be a completely homogenous people.
President James E. Faust said: "All are equal before the Lord. Yet within our spiritual unity there is wide room for everyone’s individuality and expression. In that setting, all are heirs to the kingdom of God. President Hunter said it well, 'The key to a unified church is a unified soul, one that is at peace with itself and not given to inner conflicts and tensions.'"
It is individuality that unifies us.
Our individuality, the qualities of our soul, our character which we must so carefully cultivate and develop, it is all a precious gift from God -- And Elder Neal A Maxwell quoted President Brigham Young as having declared that "the preservation of human intelligence and individuality through the Atonement and resurrection 'is the greatest gift that ever was bestowed on mankind.'”
It is this great blessing of the little "I am" at my soul's center that is the strengths I have to hone and bless others with, the weaknesses to humble me and tie me to Christ, and the glorious opportunity to develop as a child of God -- "the Great I Am, Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end (D&C 38:1) .
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Rilla of Ingleside
It's a beautifully written little paragraph right? Well guess what? It's not what you might have initially thought it was. This isn't describing the sweet relationship of lovers -- but of a brother and sister. Which I think is even more beautiful.
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